The moment of indecision

"Pure reason is a disease"

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talk about what we learn in psych...

Solace

When it had all been said and done, and with her burdens still worn heavy upon her back, she found her way to that place from before. A place she knew to be constant, not as fickle as the world was and is and seemed to always will be.

Entering through some doors, she wandered down the aisle towards the vast emptiness of the large hall. Breathing in the stagnant air, her heart felt heavier with each step, taking in breath after breath of lifeless still air. Suffocated. Not another sense aroused but lost, grief and pain. An internal pain that not even tears could express or words give form. The unexplainable torment that risked being entirely undermined if spoken aloud. It was not worth another tear or another word. As if in a trance, she endlessly moved forward till she found herself on her knees on some carpeting. Taken by surprise, tiny murmurs and silent weeping found themselves to her consciousness. Suddenly a lively warmth in the stuffy room took over and the crying the room seemed to be one of empathy and of similar grief. The floodgates were opened as her tears streamed down her cheeks unceasingly. Not knowing what she was crying for or even for whom, she wept and wept shaking uncontrollably. With each cry the pain released.. With each whimper, her pain dissolved. With each sob all guilt vanished. And the tears ceased not to fall; for all the transgressions, for all the hurts, for all the shame and disappointment of 10 years past.

A long time had unknowingly passed. The hall had emptied out as if there had been no one from the start.All felt foggy and unclear. Feeling weak and drained from pouring out, she stood to her feet realizing that at some point she must have lain on the ground. Staggering to the front row, she plopped down for a moment to rest. After all these years of seeking and apparent finding, she had truly found herself again. In the hall she found a sacred place; a place beyond nought bringing healing to the soul, a place for the weary and the weak, a place for the down and out.

After a moment, the awareness of something missing arose. The stone in her heart she had borne across all the years was gone. Vanished. Gratefully unaccustomed to the feel she strolled out of the crossed wooden doors of the hall disbelievingly with quiet thanksgiving. The fresh evening air kissed her skin, arousing and heightening each sensation. With relief and satisfaction of sorts she shed a tear of joy as she strolled on. It had been a miracle that she had even found herself in that place; that place of solace.

-End-