unseen

In this world, this life, we always seek for evidence. We look for substantiation to believe a theory, we judge others based on what we see, we are convinced by another as much as their proof renders. Besides the hard evidence, the rest are shelved under the category of coincidences.
We live in such a serious world.

The gloomy weather across these days depicts and yet encourages my spirit. I have been reminded that nothing is temporal; though nothing beautiful on this earth remains, neither does hurt nor pain. While every pitiful situation evokes an amount of suffering, through suffering there is hope, and after suffering comes victory.

Before gran's cremation, I kept picturing my uncle's cremation to mentally prepare myself for it. I told myself i will not cry and to be prepared that it would not be pretty. To my surprise, the circumstance allowed the experience to be a proper close to this chapter; from the elegance of the way it was handled, to the single butterfly that was fluttering in the room below us almost following the casket, to the gentle closing of the doors after the casket was slowly put into the hole in the wall. When i was asked about it, somehow i could not stop myself from thinking about the word beauty.

In my life thus far, i have experienced worry and peace, fear and peace, but never ever such sorrow and peace. I am not saying that this is evidence, but i am saying i feel and know that I am held by hands unseen.

Amazing Grace Lyrics

John Newton (1725-1807)
Stanza 6 anon.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

the Right thing to do

the easy categorization of the self and everyone else
makes it easier to draw comparison
imperfection is a lack of effort
the decision deemed selfish

they say that in many things there are no right or wrong, but apparantly in most things there are..

Wonderland

we all have that bit of it in us like Alice i guess.
As a child, we lived out our dreams , no inhibitions. We had the freedom to be mad because it was alright to be. Painting the roses red, dreaming of flying, talking to animals who wear clothes.

Then we began to grow up and the world started pressing us into the corner of realism, breaking those fantasies cos they dont support the life we've been living, or wouldnt feed the yet-to-be-established-family. Slowly that existence fades into a surreal irreality and we treat them as sweet dreams or perhaps nightmares.

Then one day we get a glimpse of that life of liberal madness again. That hope. Maybe..
BUT society has ingrained its perfect objective of pragmatism. Dreams?! Fantasy?! gibberish.

But u follow ur instincts and find yourself on a journey, an adventure. before you know it, you are fighting for your life just to keep that dream alive. It is now that you realise you cant afford to stop. Living your dream despite fighting the almighty monster out there or within u is definitely worth it all. The madness is too real too pleasing to the senses that have been surpressed for all these years of growing up.

You are now convinced and crawl out of that rabbit hole to enlighten others who are invisibly chained, trapped by their own minds like u were before. Dreams of ur childhood, not neccessarily mere castles in the clouds. You find new direction and you move on.

Are u mad? It would appear so. but all the special people in the world are :)

maybe all we need is the guts to be mad and go with our God given instincts.

im not saying we were born to be impulsive irrational being. but perhaps being over careful has misplaced us, chucking ourselves out of our own wonderland..

Dont Know Why I Have a Blog

i remember hating the idea of a blog when it first started out. Like, why should everyone know whats going on in my life? Why should it be so public? (then again, inconsistent entries kill the blog and then this doesnt really matter anyways)
then, expressing myself. but why here? I do it in journals more effectively, or mayb when its important enough. So what is this for? mere random stuff that i may or may not ever look through again?

or mayb its just the desire to keep a record in case you ever wanna look back at random bits of your existence? maybe.. who knows..

Its when you try the hardest that you fail

decided to try takin 151e from campus today since i saw it pass by my area recently. Wanted to see if it was really an express bus. Just when i realized there was barely any time difference, i pressed the bell and the bus driver merely looked up and drove on.

stopped when it did, somewhere in hougang. sat at the bus stop to finish up the game i was playing on my device, crossed the overhead bridge and waited for what seemed like eternity before the bus came. gave me time to think and feel so lost even though i was 5mins away from home.

as if to mock me, the moment i got off the bus and headed home, 151 stopped across the road.... so much for reachin home early.

its kinda depressing to know that often things in life are as such. either due to an act of impulse or false instinct and it leads you on some wild goose chase or leaves u disappointed..