an upward view

ever sat down low below the ceiling, throwing your head back just to watch the world play on above? i was doing that just now while sitting on the bus from sentosa to harbourfront. it felt nice and relaxing in a unique way.

know how we often perceive many things in one way? after a while, there are days where things seem largely mundane and way too predictable. well, alternatives are refreshing. (not that we should all literally look at the world upwards, but rather, pay attention to the special things around us) It helps us see the exact same thing in various angles that then help us realise the beauty of what surrounds us. looking upwards to the skies, watching the world up there pass by.hmmm...

Just days like these...

It's just on days like these that you realise you have lost the fighting spirit.
The exhaution of finding joy in the things of the past.
Something that was so essentially you and now it is gone.
Your willingness to let go surprises yourself,
and you wonder who you have become.

these days have been kinda weird. like, the constant waking up at the start of the day, feeling the tiredness as if it were the end instead. Sleep clouded with a myriad of dreams, nothing in particular. nothing significant even! just an active mind i guess. then instead of the usual ponders and simple joys, moments reel on, speeding towards the end and before i blink, its time to crawl into bed again. oh boy.. what a terrible way to go through day(s). think i might be coming down with something. hopefully not. then it'll pass soon.

not that i have even been a fighter. but today i have just realised my willingness to let go of something that is so inherently me. like, in these moments of tiredness u just stare blank, draw in a deeeeep breath, and go "oh well.. not like i can or (at the moment) want to do anything about this right now." so not me. i guess, in reflecting on all of this, i'd rather feel sadness, pain, confusion and provoked rather then indifferent. it pulls an air of dehumanisation and desensatisation that is honestly, quite scary.

haha.. no wonder i insisted on my 8 hours of sleep right? HEE... but i have not been taking my own advice. so mmuch to do... so little time... (as opposed to Garfield's "so much time... so little to do...") silly orange cat! :D hahaha..

untitled

nein! i am not labeling this post as untitled because my emotions cannot be sypnopsised (if this word exists) into a one liner.. it is lieterally untitled cos i am not in the mood to title it or for any matter in the mood to write. just feel like blogging suddenly before my blog dies another natural death :D haha..

actually it IS dead :P ah wells.. its like writing into the memory hole (1984) or something.

yesterday we went to continue our Biennale "tour". The place was not as interesting as the first though. There were some really interesting ones but to me, the emotions and artist intention did not come out as clearly as the ones at the city hall exhibit. mayb its just me.. (and the heat!) Regardless, we still had our share of fun (despite the rain). UCDQ kept trying to creep me out with the strange nooks and crannies here and there. seriously, the oldness of the place makes it quite creepy. have not uploaded my photos from my camera so no pictures this time...

the problem when i blog without intention is... its real scatter brain like. ha!

today went to the cathay to support wan's friends who were auditioning at ben and jerry's. there was this girl that sang so well! but a pity, she didnt have a world of people who were there just for her. so the juxtaposition between her duo and wan's friends' band's support was really stark and probably discouraging for her. but char jean and i decided to wait and listen. and oh my gosh! what a sweet voice! it was really pleasant :) then i dared UCDQ to tell the girl she sang well as an encouragement. but instead, that dodo looked at her and laughed in HER FACE! i was like, oh no.. but of course, she said it in the end.. *phew* nice friendly sweet girl.UCDQ is like the most unique, weird, strange, interessant und kuku friend i have! hahahaha.. its a compliment! :) :)

to end off on a complete random and literal statement.......

i am happy :)

Wiki my new friend...

talk about lack of time and trying to do all your readings in one day?
IMPOSSIBLE!
I realise quick searches on wiki answer my questions instantaneously! haha.. ok, of course it is insufficient, but i think it is a great starting point.

Just when i was stressed about having 2 papers tmr and german the day after! I looked into the school email and wala! my philo paper draft 1 back. disappointing, and i feel rather stupid. oh wells, time to get some brains anthea!! man.

alrite, no time for all those unhelpful feelings right now. I've got 3 papers to study for! ironically, german counts to my end grade cos i have no final paper, but i can only start studyin for it tmr! God save me. I really wanna be good at the things i do. but time doesnt permit me to do as much as i wish, or at least let me feel i've done an average amount.

*shivers*

How after all these years this still happens,
its sends shivers down my spine.
The constant fear of punishment
That is potentially mine.
The look, that sound, the pain that cuts
nothing new. nothing physical.

It cuts deeper then the skin
burns into my soul
the quick 2 second frustration
blasts through me this great hole.
Then i sit there angry, hurt and frustrated.
Bordering that familiar dangerous hatred.

Oh well, in a day it's gone... again.