And With This, 2008 Draws to a Close =)

UCDQ, you told me to review my year correct? For a person who likes to frequently reflect, it seems impossible to summarise all reflections into one. But i will try :D hahaha.. and this is the mess from up there to down here to wherever for du und others to read :)

Praise the Lord for a great year (as with every year)! indeed every year is special, bearing different experiences, lessons and new or stronger bonds being established. This year has not been an exception.

For starters, I worked for the FIRST TIME in my life this year! Yipee right? (hmmm.. ;) I must admit I was intimidated and fell numerous times, feeling lost and uncertain as I felt press to make decisions about the far future when it was not due yet. I was overwhelmed by self expectations, telling myself I have to learn to be perfect. In summary, it became a NIGHTMARE. For once, dealing with people grew to be a chore and I was wondering who I might become. But praise the Lord! Through it all experiences and all 3 jobs, it all ended on a good note, and He taught me much through my parents, friends and through my devotional time. He has proven to be with me through the sweet dreams, (and as mentioned) the nightmares :D Although the end of the year has come, I must say some things still haunt me (as some of you would know). But I believe it all happened for a reason. And who knows, maybe it is my personal giant to be conquered when the time is right.

Ok next! Who can forget A’level results day right? Well, I almost did. Haha.. (This year was split into so many portions, it feel like 4 years or something) Praise the Lord for good results. As I have told many, the results were and ARE really not my own. I just pray that it can be used as a testimony that encourages others. In the course of all the examinations a student in singapore has to sit for, this was my FIRST TIME really depending on God, losing sight of the paper and just focusing on giving my best. When I prayed “Lord, this paper is Yours”, I really meant it and it was not a standard prayer we prayed after mugging our heads off. And glory to Him!! He blessed when I expected not to be :)

And then, The beginning of Uni. For those of you who might remember, I was SO not looking forward to this! Hahaha.. well, that’s behind me now :) Talking about FIRST TIME …. This was my FIRST TIME traveling to school on my own, FIRST TIME having school be more then zero mrt stops from home, FIRST TIME in a university (obviously). Well, I did it didn’t I? :D hurhurhur.. so no talk about me being spoilt ok? OR ELSE!! (WAHAHhaha..) *GRINS* well, for results, I personally don’t think I did very well. I have no idea where I stand amongst everyone else. But it’s ok! Grades are just a tiny speck in the big scheme of life :) Aren’t we all glad our salvation is not based on exam results? (obviously God is not Singaporean. HEEHEE…)

What’s next what’s next…

Oh yes, becoming a junior commander. I must say, I miss being an ER a lot! Like, I went for exam break for almost the whole of 2007 and before I can go back to “meet” them all again, I am thrown upwards, never to get back to be an ER. Frankly, that was tough. Hmm.. But I really thank God that I was able to continue joining them for a couple of activities. Through many of you guys, I have realized what friendship and having fun really is about. Know the kind of relationship where everyone is cordial, quiet and simply polite? The kind where everyone knows each other’s names but know anything about anyone? The kind that seems socially perfect but is empty underneath the surface? That is my idea of a living nightmare. And you guys are ANYTHING but that (thank God! :D) haha.. As a whole, I thank you all for the many fun times and retarded moments that leaves me… *speechless* (if not, slowly retarding to your various levels)… hahahha.. It has really been an honour serving alongside you all during the mission trip, and I must say that what happened there was phenomenal. I pray that we will never let the fire of God and the passion for His people within us die out. You all are lovely, lovable and loved (by mua of course) :)

Year 2008 also brought much pleasant surprises that were packaged in so many different ways. So many things so I’ll do it in point form…

• GRATEFUL: That A4 still continues to meet up though many have told me JC friends usually don’t last very long (IN UR FACE! :O HAHA…) you all are really the rarest of jewels in my life. Each of you so unique and irreplaceable. Though class outings are never with perfect attendance, I am still thrilled that we remain in tact always.

• EVER THANKFUL: For being able to know pple like UCDQ more and find true love and friendship in du! (I treasure you always! And if I ever forget (which I wont) snowbank will remind me) 8Dimension!! Ich liebe dich und tokio hotel naturalich :D
  

• APPRECIATE: The lesson of confrontation in friendships (through u wan!) haha.. It has never been like this with friends, but it shows what are the things we can talk about and the level our friendship can be brought to yes?

• WILL NEVER FORGET: The trips to starbucks with you precious dears (brenny, steffi wooonded, ucdq, anjax (tho not always) and u tortoise! :) ) at the memorable branch that we frequent, so many new memories have been carved this year. Which I am so so grateful (and often entertained by) for :D hahah.. what will I do without u all..
• JOYOUS: That the many of you whom I know are pursuing your dreams, and constantly discovering who u are. It is truly beautiful..

Well, that is probably not all, but I will move on. So many things to thank God for! :)

Time to thanks give for the recent. MISSION TRIP 2008 to the PHILIPPINES!! Preparation started in fear and trembling when I didn’t know what to expect though I knew it was going to be awesome and God so definitely has a plan! Through the rushed moments of preparing and slowly building up with much prayer and sharing, it was amazing how God proved Himself to be real and faithful. Praise Him for that. While there, this one paragraph cannot sufficiently give thanks enough for God seeing us through every activity; from holding the rain that could potentially ruin a meeting, to giving me courage to preach. For the first time, I really knew what God wanted me to share and was more then happy to do so (though still slightly nervous). But when I prayed and called out to Him, He answered! Indeed, our God is an awesome God =)

Following Philippines was our family trip to Japan. Thank God for the journey mercies! I am glad I got to experience what Japan is like. Never thought of desiring to go there and SO didn’t know what to expect. I knew nothing about their culture and next to nothing about the Japanese language. But we still had our fair share of cultural exposure and fun. Gotta love them theme parks!! Hahaha.. (esp the roller coasters?) Well, met nicky and family there (which made it such a good time) and cos of nicky, I enjoyed the rides so much more. For once, I was not queuing up for and riding rides alone! :D It was plain awesome. I think I’ll never have enough of themeparks!! :P Also super happy that our family got to spend time together, away from the distractions of sg. Nothing beats family time and nothing beats the freezing cold weather of wintertime! Thanks to mummy, we had all kinds of food for our various meals and it was delicious! Hehe.. who would have thought the Koh family would go supermarketing and mummy would cook up a storm in her room with an induction cooker?! (now I see all the nodding heads of people who can totally picture it) hurhur.. :)

Ok, I have gone on looong enough.. ‘Tis all for now. Isn’t God amazing? A “short year” of only slightly below 400 days and He brings us on a journey that makes a year seem like a lifetime ;) At times it is dreary, but at others, its full of surprises, lessons to be learnt, and beauty surrounds us (in the people & the world all around). It has been a great year and I believe 2009 will likewise be supertastic! (in its own unique way).

Mit wärmsten Wünschen,

Anthea

Tschüss! :) :) :)

what to share what to share...

Mission trip is coming quicker then you can say "AH"! There is this silent excitement of the knowledge that something awesome is going to happen, yet there is a sense of "too many things to do too little time".

Man. Talk about a half an hour sermon! I've nerver talked for 30minutes none stop in my life! heh.. Im just wondering how pastors can preach for 45mins (without interpretation) that is centred around 3 points when I can imagine myself barely hitting 15-20mins. hurhur...

Anyways, we really gotta pray up. I think in the past we learnt to pray but we did not really "have to" depend wholly on God cos Thailand was a really a different experience- lots of fun and games, really comfortable accomodation: condidering it was a mission trip, and definitely lots of certainty. This time around, everything is tentative and plans keep changing. Well, it is not nerve wrecking but it does tinkle the nerves a lil bit. Like, being split up on occasions and all that. Definitely a very different experience.

Till then! :)

Satisfaction to me...

Satisfaction is sitting somewhere cheerful and peaceful away from the crowds,
having this peace within myself despite knowing my life isnt perfect.

Satisfaction is being able to feel happiness and bliss despite the oncoming exams,
being in an environment of Christmas cheer in such a time.

Satisfaction is an emotion that has to be experienced and cannot be fully described.

Satisfaction is this still serenity which is what i am feeling now somehow :)

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Sometimes there are moments of mild activity that causes me to ponder about what i really want in life. Maybe it is just the flu getting to me or something (hurhur..)

Anyways, back to my title.

This year seems to have been a lot about that. First Conrad having to be away at hostel for the whole year, and now elliot and daddy being in china for overseas cip. it is so empty without a part of the family around... indeed absence makes the heart grow fonder. Sigh.. not much mood to type, so chao!~

Superman fell sick...

2 days back, Superman fell sick
It was as if he fell out of the sky
The strong almighty unknockable Superman.
Then I realised we are all human, even you.
Get well soon daddy :)

Thanksgiving.

No UCDQ! not FANGsgiving. :D hahaha.. still cant believe that was a joke. hoho..

WELL!!

It's funny how sociology tutorials can have the most awesome bunch of people because people all just seem to feel at ease being themselves. No one is trying to be a smarty pants, no one is trying to be someone he/she is not, no one is trying to just stand out from the crowd, and yet a variety of people coexist for those 2 hours every even week of term. It's really nice and actually slightly sweet (for the lack of a better adjective).

Semester 1 has started and now, has quickly bulleted to an end. How fast time flies. They say semester 2 will drag like forever. is that true? well, we wont know till we go through it and it is best to keep an open mind right? :) looking back over these past few months (that have zoomed by faster then you could say "ZOOM") i'm really thankful. Thinking about how aprehensively i begun the semester. telling myself, this is bound to get me down sooner or later. looked to me like i started on a very bad note. There was so much hesitation, apprehension, skepticism. well, that's mostly gone i think. This semester has been lots of fun! well, i love people and its always wonderful to meet an array of characters. sure there were one or two freaky moments! but the happier times brush those away with much ease :)

So yes! am really thankful that God has been able to turn that pessimistic (unlike my usual self) me, and show me what keeping an open mind and heart can do for a person. Really. This is the first time in my life I've got to "mit dem Bus fahren jeden Tag!!!". go translate that if you like. hahha.. hey! come to think of it, i got so caught up in enjoying the subjects i am taking (with the exception of one) i forgot what i felt at the very beginning. isnt it great to forget at times? haha :) im really grateful. ahh..

on a silly sidenote, im actually trying to wish myself into yesterday's starbucks again just to feel the cosy and tingly happiness. but it is not working!! haha.. looks like i've gotta find myself there again sometime soon :) :) :) :)

okie dokie, thats all fϋr now folks! tchϋss dann!!

Christmas!! *meltzz*

Just had to post this before i go back to finalising my philosophy paper.

ahhh... Christmas music gently filling the air, simple reds and greens tinting the place, snowflake prints and red cups filled with joy. aww.. Im so glad it's coming to that time of the year again. Am in starbucks now and taking in the sight, sounds, smells and taste.. :) :) :) :) :) :) :) this reminds me of why we had such sweet times studying in starbucks in nov last year. well, at least i did. not sure bout the rest ;)

I've always loved Christmas for the array of things it is representative of. but since last year, the love for it was severe! im not exaggerating. it was literally like a disease that infected my entire being. the family gatherings, the services on Christ's birth, the remembrance of the snow we enjoyed that year with aunty chor kee and family, the Christmas tree standing in our front yard till chinese new year came, the friends showing their love through cards sent by snail mail..... EVERYTHING! I guess what i love about Christmas in generally that it is a a sort of symbol of lovein various ways. ahh... so so happy.

alrite, i shall sit here mugging and melting at the same time :) HEE..

an upward view

ever sat down low below the ceiling, throwing your head back just to watch the world play on above? i was doing that just now while sitting on the bus from sentosa to harbourfront. it felt nice and relaxing in a unique way.

know how we often perceive many things in one way? after a while, there are days where things seem largely mundane and way too predictable. well, alternatives are refreshing. (not that we should all literally look at the world upwards, but rather, pay attention to the special things around us) It helps us see the exact same thing in various angles that then help us realise the beauty of what surrounds us. looking upwards to the skies, watching the world up there pass by.hmmm...

Just days like these...

It's just on days like these that you realise you have lost the fighting spirit.
The exhaution of finding joy in the things of the past.
Something that was so essentially you and now it is gone.
Your willingness to let go surprises yourself,
and you wonder who you have become.

these days have been kinda weird. like, the constant waking up at the start of the day, feeling the tiredness as if it were the end instead. Sleep clouded with a myriad of dreams, nothing in particular. nothing significant even! just an active mind i guess. then instead of the usual ponders and simple joys, moments reel on, speeding towards the end and before i blink, its time to crawl into bed again. oh boy.. what a terrible way to go through day(s). think i might be coming down with something. hopefully not. then it'll pass soon.

not that i have even been a fighter. but today i have just realised my willingness to let go of something that is so inherently me. like, in these moments of tiredness u just stare blank, draw in a deeeeep breath, and go "oh well.. not like i can or (at the moment) want to do anything about this right now." so not me. i guess, in reflecting on all of this, i'd rather feel sadness, pain, confusion and provoked rather then indifferent. it pulls an air of dehumanisation and desensatisation that is honestly, quite scary.

haha.. no wonder i insisted on my 8 hours of sleep right? HEE... but i have not been taking my own advice. so mmuch to do... so little time... (as opposed to Garfield's "so much time... so little to do...") silly orange cat! :D hahaha..

untitled

nein! i am not labeling this post as untitled because my emotions cannot be sypnopsised (if this word exists) into a one liner.. it is lieterally untitled cos i am not in the mood to title it or for any matter in the mood to write. just feel like blogging suddenly before my blog dies another natural death :D haha..

actually it IS dead :P ah wells.. its like writing into the memory hole (1984) or something.

yesterday we went to continue our Biennale "tour". The place was not as interesting as the first though. There were some really interesting ones but to me, the emotions and artist intention did not come out as clearly as the ones at the city hall exhibit. mayb its just me.. (and the heat!) Regardless, we still had our share of fun (despite the rain). UCDQ kept trying to creep me out with the strange nooks and crannies here and there. seriously, the oldness of the place makes it quite creepy. have not uploaded my photos from my camera so no pictures this time...

the problem when i blog without intention is... its real scatter brain like. ha!

today went to the cathay to support wan's friends who were auditioning at ben and jerry's. there was this girl that sang so well! but a pity, she didnt have a world of people who were there just for her. so the juxtaposition between her duo and wan's friends' band's support was really stark and probably discouraging for her. but char jean and i decided to wait and listen. and oh my gosh! what a sweet voice! it was really pleasant :) then i dared UCDQ to tell the girl she sang well as an encouragement. but instead, that dodo looked at her and laughed in HER FACE! i was like, oh no.. but of course, she said it in the end.. *phew* nice friendly sweet girl.UCDQ is like the most unique, weird, strange, interessant und kuku friend i have! hahahaha.. its a compliment! :) :)

to end off on a complete random and literal statement.......

i am happy :)

Wiki my new friend...

talk about lack of time and trying to do all your readings in one day?
IMPOSSIBLE!
I realise quick searches on wiki answer my questions instantaneously! haha.. ok, of course it is insufficient, but i think it is a great starting point.

Just when i was stressed about having 2 papers tmr and german the day after! I looked into the school email and wala! my philo paper draft 1 back. disappointing, and i feel rather stupid. oh wells, time to get some brains anthea!! man.

alrite, no time for all those unhelpful feelings right now. I've got 3 papers to study for! ironically, german counts to my end grade cos i have no final paper, but i can only start studyin for it tmr! God save me. I really wanna be good at the things i do. but time doesnt permit me to do as much as i wish, or at least let me feel i've done an average amount.

*shivers*

How after all these years this still happens,
its sends shivers down my spine.
The constant fear of punishment
That is potentially mine.
The look, that sound, the pain that cuts
nothing new. nothing physical.

It cuts deeper then the skin
burns into my soul
the quick 2 second frustration
blasts through me this great hole.
Then i sit there angry, hurt and frustrated.
Bordering that familiar dangerous hatred.

Oh well, in a day it's gone... again.

Biennale 2008

Keeping whatever i have to say in my head. Just enjoy the pictures :D and if u can, GO DOWN AND CHECK IT OUT! :) :) :) there is so much in the experience that i feel cannot be captured by camera. and to make it worse, im not a good photographer. in my opinion, it was just plain awesome that's all. heeee...

Divine Intervention...

This is what i call divine intervention.

Had a loooong reflective post to get something off my chest, but it was "a lil" mean. Guess what? I highlighted it and *poof* it was gone. hahaha..

some things are just not worth being on a blog to be rmbred forever :D

Too much la u!

Anthea is jus too much!
So much to do and yet she's here.
Mental Constipation.
Yikes!
How to format and express what she has to say.
How to come up with a logical flow to bring across her point.

Shoots! Everything in her pia matter is rot.
Climbing the mountain slowly,
so far from the submit.

Obviously her thought aren't workin out properly.
Caesurated.
Bish!
Her brain that went on holiday never came back :p

Where to go from here.

Today has been an interesting, draining as well as refreshing one all at the same time.

I realise, i'm not the only one going through this.
I realise, there is at least one feeling the way i feel.
I realise, i'm not the only dehumanizing one.
I realise, i'm not alone.

Ok, its less severe then it sounds i think. Well, it has just been occuring to me time and again- about identity. Like, how a fabulous phase of life has come and gone, and up ahead is still unchartered ground, waiting to be journeyed. Then when we see that we hav to step out of our comfort phase, we hesitate cos we were and ARE still having the time of our lives, relishing every moment that we can. Why would any logical mind choose to move forward? Especially when the path ahead is foggy and uncertain.

But then, we realise that its only when u pluck up the courage and walk on, trusting that amidst the fog, beyond the fright, God is there every inching footstep of the way, that the next phase can be even more brilliant then the previous one.

Well, i have not experienced that brilliance, but i believe it is installed somewhere in that tentative future. All we need sometimes, really, is faith and trust that God WILL pull us through. These weeks have been draining ones and it reflects in the number of entries in THE BOOK.hahah! ah wells..

Learning with every stride i take... Something great is impending, i jus know it- for all of us.

Quick check in

So this week has been quite crazy. emotionally somehow. I have loads of stuff to do but not exactly in the mood, so i kinda drifted here. hmmm... Got a vocabulary test next week and i've barely begun the revision. Again, im learning to spell and all. Just that this time, its not a '10-words-a-week' kinda list. It is like 2 chapters worth of words in a day kinda thing. AND! German gives gender to its nouns. So funny stories are on reeling in my head to help me remember which nouns are feminine, masculine and neuter. Dont get me wrong, im lovin it! haha..

In fact, the only module i dont love (ok, understatement. i hate it!) is IT. but whatever. dont wanna complain since it wont change anything :)

the past few days have been like walking through a mini whirlwind. enough to shake and spin me upsidedown, but not strong enough to ruin me. It's not that bad really. Just gotta learn to feel less and move on more. In fact, its in times like these that i thank God i have emotions. they help me reflect more once again and lead me to writing which i have not exactly done for a while. also, they remind me that we are human and all these things are just part and parcel of our entire experience on this journey.

oh yes! i just watched the class video and the video that grace made for us again :) :) haha.. it never gets old. seriously :) im so so happy ms k forced the class video on us. It has preserved so much. But of course, she knew what she was doing- as usual.

ok, dun really wanna say anything else more. tata! :)

Uni life thus FAR... ;p

Ok, so i didnt blog in augest. OH well... haha..

Pple who have told me that uni would be a breeze?... hmmm.... I am still waitin for that gentle gale to touch me. Ok, no doubt we no longer have to rise at 6am (or at least I dont have to) and go for morning assemblies and stuff. but travelling is SO draining! let me lament for a while k? after all, i've never travelled to school on my own much less travel for an hour plus every day just to get to school. heh! wed's are the most ridiculous since i travel all the way for only one hour of IT tutorial. quite silly huh? oh wells, im cool with it- RELATIVELY.

So yes. My most interesting lesson would prolly be Deutsch. Its like going back to kindergarten and learning the ABCs once again. NO, not that it is 'as easy as ABC and 123'... I am literally learning the german alphabet! hahaha.. how to say good morning, good evening... how to ask after a person u meet on the streets, how to order drinks and call for the bill, how to pronounce the words with umluts on top of em. Its crazy kinda fun. haha.. though the amount we are expected to rmbr seems quite steep. but we will get there i guess :)

Well, uni is ok.. but there is so much to do and not much of a timeline to follow. any attempt to draw up a timeline jus reduces me to a puddle of fatigue and stress. Need to learnt o trust God more. seriously. at the moment all i see are piles and piles of work that build emselves up to mountains and i am a tiny mountaineer, barely reaching base camp. so sad! haha.. ah wells..

oh yeah, charlene: thanks for the songs and stuff. addictive!! hopefully it improves my pronunciation and vocabulary. though i must admit the songs just play on eternal repeat in my mind that it begins to scare me a lil :D :D :D cant get it out of my head!

On a random note to end... Know about the monday blues? monday happens to be the best day of my week: NO SCHULE!! :D yay! but of course, it then gets dedicated to mountain climbing :p ah wells, at least i get to study with char and jean every week. for that i am super grateful already.

alritey, that's all folks ( if there are still remnants of u)... if not, bye wall!
Tschüs!

On my mind...

Something feels absent and missing in my life. Am I drifting too far off? Losing who I am and who I should be? Becoming another individual? Sometimes it feels so good and so right, then the same awful questioning comes back, leading me to the realisation that the lack is still present. God save me.



Just some photos =) ISN'T CONRAD SUPER CUTE!! hahah..

If the world were one country...

If the world were one country
I'd travel everyday..
In all of places were one place
I'll explore every space..-
going wherever I wish i may...
every other day.
to distant places
farther and farther away...

DONT ask me why that is there. It was suppose to be in prose.

Anyways, trying to get myself to australia and in just one hour or so, i realised how difficult it is to surf the net and try to get things done. quite a frustration actually. mum says to look at the papers instead. and mayb i will! (ps:/ all the tension and undermining of my pia matter is totally unnecessary. thank you bery much) i'm new to this! cant expect much right? ok, *thinks* keep the neutral, non-emotion pumped tone.

ok, so! where should i go? what should i do? honestly? I just want to shop and shop and shop, then take pictures and take more pictures and take even more pictures. Come on! of all the places I've been to and all the things i've ever done overseas, the 3 main things are theme park rides, sight seeing and shopping. But having to BE on a tour for security reasons, i'm not so sure as to what kind of tour would just put me in a mall (that does not hold the King of kings of prices) and dump me on the beach afterwards.

oh well.. mayb i will not reach australia after all. after this one hour, suddenly the excitement of all the possibilities seem to fade before my eyes and that reality grows cold and becomes 2-D







haha!

we'll see how it goes la. but i really hope i get to go somehow....

later alligators! =)

Too Long...

It's been super long since the last time i updated. and yes, a million have complained about seeing the words 'work work work' till they are completely sianzed already.

The horrid thing is I always try to post when I have nothing to do, and it turns out nothing much is being posted. Anyways, went to bintan last last weekend. and I have to say that i love that place. the heat is fine, the sand is great, the view was wonderful and the company was of course excellent. thanks to the mummies who are such great cooks, we had delicious food all the way =) hanging out as a family was awesome. thank God for the not-as-humid-as-singapore kind of weather. I actually loved and enjoyed the beach super much as a result.

Thank God for the safe trip and the wonderful time.

This is my last week of work! hurray!! then it's official slacking all the way. who wants to go australia with me? i'm hoping to go with just one two people in mid july. if not, MAY go alone. (but may not come back alive) hahaha..
and to end off, photos!! hehe..

Gooday and God bless! =)

Beautiful reception area that we were dropped at before taking the buggy to our villa.










Breakfast at the Tanah Merah Ferry Terminal.










On the ferry heading for Bintan.. aunts, uncle, cousins, friend, bro..









Dad and I just after landing at Bintan.










Nickky and I at the reception area after the dancers did their cute tamborine welcome dance.










All to the beach!!











Elliot starting to dig..











Dig dig dig...











Bennet buried.. ha!











Stormy weather that came in a flash. Literally, but I couldn't capture it =(












That's all for now. Will be back in the next century! ha! =)